Sounds like a bad idea, right? It helps, of course, that I’m SO not a fan of the Twilight series. I still can’t figure out why I wanted to see New Moon in the first place. Morbid curiosity? Cultural education? Staying relevant? A repressed inner teenage heart helplessly bleeding for Byronic heroes? (Please, God, no.)
Whatever the motivation, J and I snuggled on the couch last night to soak up the swirling camera angles, melodramatic music, gratuitous rippling abs, and flat affect (seriously, would it kill Bella crack a smile or shed a tear? Ever?) that is New Moon. In spite of myself, I felt a little torn by the time Bella had to choose between the vampire and the werewolf, mostly because I thought Jacob was getting a pretty raw deal. The very best part of the evening, though, was the dialogue following the movie. I present, for your entertainment, snippets of my favorite boy’s reactions:
Me: I just don’t see the attraction. Bella never smiles, and what on earth does a man who’s been maturing for 100 years find in a 17 year old?
J: Well, there’s the enigma. He can’t figure her out. Of course, she has the complexity of a Ritz cracker.
. . .
J [in an awed voice, taking it in]: I have now seen a Twilight movie.
Me: Yup, time to turn in your man card.
. . .
Me: Do you feel defiled?
-long pause, deep breath –
J: I am bigger than this movie. I can cope.
. . .
J: I’m trying to recall the plot and realizing how miniscule it was. Edward leaves. Bella gets pouty.
Me: Don’t forget the love triangle.
J: Except Bella’s as inert as Argon, so there’s no chemistry there.
. . . And finally . . .
J: I’m imagining a spoof of Twilight. Her name would be Taco Bella. And she would have a gas problem.
Me: The central conflict. . . ?
J: The central conflict would be that Edward is driven mad by her smell.
The End
Sadly, I can just imagine having to defend my “Twilight” position when I run for president in 2032. The beauty of pop culture is that it works for some while being completely ridiculous to everyone else (Vanilla Ice, anyone?). It helps keep us from taking ourselves too seriously. At least… that’s what I tell myself when I catch myself humming the latest hook from Katy Perry.
wha-at? ritz cracker? taco bella? LOL!! I enjoyed y’all’s conversation immensley! now i don’t even have to watch the movie!!
I just read this aloud to Dane. He thoroughly enjoyed it. Sadly, I am very entertained by Twilight, and so is he, though he’d deny it. It makes me happy, so I think his man card is safe.
LOL. Glad Dane enjoyed it. After I wrote this post, I went on to watch Eclipse, and I got pretty into it (I even got a little misty-eyed), though I had to do it while J was out of town to avoid re-traumatizing him. 🙂
Taco Bella — hilarious!